UPDATE: Explosion At Al Franken’s Montana Ranch Kills 6

Investigators are looking for answers after six people died in an explosion at Al Franken’s Montana ranch. The explosion, which appears to have originated in the basement, was heard nearly three miles away. The closest neighbor, a farm nearly a mile away, felt what they thought was a “mild earthquake. When first-responders arrived on site, they found a huge hole in the center of the ranch and bodies strewn about the surrounding area.

Fire Marshall Sandy Batternofski said that the blast looked like the product of some sort of illegal activity:

“There was a massive amount of pressure built up from something before it ignited. Then it burned so fast it incinerated everything in its path. The victims look like overcooked chicken wings. Gonna be tough to ID them.”

We asked Police Chief Matt Schmidt what he thought and he never skipped a beat when he said:

“Meth. No doubt about it. Al’s got some explaining to do.”

Ex-Senator Franken, who lives in a penthouse in Minneapolis with his mistress, told police he hadn’t been to the ranch in over a year and that his brother Randy was looking after it for him. When asked about the obvious existence of a meth lab, Franken snorted and hung up the phone.

We’ll update the story when the bodies are identified.

About Flagg Eagleton 52 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.